I also had to come up with a theme for the month of posts and I think I came up with one that will be theoretic for me and possibly interesting for you guys as well. It's Me: Past, Present, & Future. And before you start thinking, 'Oh wow! So egocentric!' NOOO. That's not it at all. Over the past year I've been really struggling to find myself again and discover who I am as not only a person, but as an adult with dreams that I am following and goals I am accomplishing. I've always been one to kind of just float along and do what I need to do, but since discovering my love for all things writing, I have things I NEED do to because I am driven and they make me happy.
So this month will be dedicated to learning a little bit more about myself, who I as, who I am, and who I hope to ill
Today's post will be
A letter to my Sixteen-Year-Old Self
Wow. Look at you. You're so...young. And carefree. And yet, not really. Because as much as you want to admit you don't care what other people think, you really do. It's okay to admit it. It doesn't make you any less of a woman. But tell you this won't make any difference, because even now, almost eleven years later, you're still stubborn as hell and will only believe something until you find out for yourself...and most of the time that means learning the hard way.
In the next year, you will find out who your real friends are. Spoiler alert: none of them are the girls you are currently friends with. In fact, the only person who you will be super close with from High School is a girl named Mindy Hayes....you met her in Middle School in choir...remember? Short, teeny, blonde girl who is a year older than you. Guess what? One day after you publish your first book(oh yeah, did I mention you do that, too?) she'll contact you and you'll become awesome friends. There are a few other girls who you lost touch with from Elementary and Middle school who, thanks to Facebook(yeah...watch out for that one), you will reconnect with...but let them find you. Don't search them out. They probably wouldn't like the person you are about to become in the next few year anyway. You're much cooler as a 'grown up.'
Here's another fun fact. Your boyfriend now...you will break up when you turn eighteen. Don't worry about that though. I'm not going to lie....it's going to suck...big time...but that relationship will teach you a lot about yourself and what you want out of life. You need to go through that. And eventually, you'll get the closure from the crappiest break-up ever. It takes a few years, but it happens.
Oh, so remember that boy you met in Coach Hutch's class who was in a band and always tried to talk to you? You're going to marry him one day and you'll argue over the color backpack he wore in High School (It totally was orange and grey. You're right.) and it'll come full circle when your little sister-in-law goes to the same High School you did and has some of the same teachers you did. Thankfully, she won't have your last name, so she won't have to worry about her following in your footsteps.
There's going to be a time where you think you have it all figured out. You don't. You never will. But again...that's okay. You'll have fun trying to figure out who you are once you turn eighteen. Here's a tip...don't drink that Sparks you are so excited about tasting. You're going to feel like crap the next morning for a lot of reasons. Also, when you go snowboarding...don't teach anyone how to board. Just have fun. Unless you want to fall and break your ass and end up in the cabin the whole weekend. Thats' something you could have avoided.
When you go to the beach, stay a little longer (but put on some more sunscreen.). When you fight with Mom, just stop. There's going to be a time when you don't have the pleasure of living in the same state, and you're going to miss her like crazy and wish you could take back all the times you were an angry little biznatch who thought she knew what was best. NEWSFLASH: Mom always knows best. For once, just listen to her!
Oh and the decision to drop out of High School? Best decision you could have made. I'm actually kind of proud of you for that one. You did good. The future isn't as scary as it seems. You'll find an awesome job working in an Kindergarten classroom and meet some people that will forever change your life. You should probably thank them at some point.
The point of all of this is to tell you, that even though you think things aren't turning out the way you had planned...you will figure it out eventually, because I always do. The road that brings you to where I am today isn't easy in the least. There's a lot of crappy things that happen along the way and sometimes you will feel like giving up. But because you are strong, you won't. And because you are smart, you will learn from those experiences, if not then - later.
Don't worry about not having a plan. It's what people like best about you. It might drive you crazy on the inside, but one day that craziness that you feel swirling and twirling around inside your head will actually become something that people tell you they love about you. Weird huh? It's taken a while to get used to that feeling, but you it's the truth. Apparently crazy is in. ;)
So dearest me, with the bright blonde hair and innocent blue eyes...continue making irrational decisions and being young, wild, and free. You won't regret a single moment of ten years from now. In fact, these years will make for awesome stories to tell your friends. Don't ever feel ashamed for your child-like spirit or your love for knowledge...embrace them and feed them. Let them grow and those things will take you places you never imagined.
Finally, I will leave you with this. When you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are loved and that you are beautiful. You don't do that enough and you need to hear it, especially from yourself. You did okay, kid. I'm proud of the woman you have become.
Love always and forever,